goal for the mind

I often think about Vancouver and all the things I miss. Usually it is friends, family and my church that come to mind… or the mountains, downtown and mild weather. But lately, I’ve missed my passion and TIME for reading.

I would spend about 2 hours a day commuting to and from work, so what else could I do to pass the time ? (Pinterest was not an addiction of mine as of yet)

I’d read a new book every week almost… always keeping my mind busy learning new things.

Well… this is my bookcase.

It's small for a book lover, but for an OCD nut like myself, it causes me anxiety just looking at it. Never mind trying to pick ONE book from amongst them all to start up my long lost hobby.

So the other night I allowed myself to go to the shelf, pick out 12 different books, and insert them into this “mini shelf” that my husband just gave me !

So my goal is to read these 12 books within the year. My secret goal is that I will finish them early and pick through the other titles that fill my “main shelf,” but if I only finish these twelve I will still be pleased with myself.

Here are the titles (In no particular order) :

1.       One Thousand Gifts – Ann Voskamp

2.       The Ultimate Priority – John MacArthur Jr.

3.       Fanny J. Crosby (Autobiography)

4.       Here I Stand (Story about Martin Luther)

5.       The Pastor’s Wife – Sabina Wurmbrand

6.       Behold The Man – Charles Swindoll

7.       Don’t Waste Your Life – John Piper

8.       Finally Alive – John Piper

9.       God is the Gospel – John Piper

10.   The Four Loves – C.S. Lewis

11.   A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23 – Phillip Keller

12.   Corrie Ten Boom – Biography

never grow up

I find it such a bittersweet thing as each day goes by… my baby is growing up. People might scoff and say “she’s only 3 months old…” but it is still 3 months older than the day I brought her home.

Friends of ours, Dave and Hannah, welcomed their beautiful baby boy, Charles Desmond, into the world on Monday afternoon... and we were blessed with being able to meet the little man on New Year’s Eve ! It was the perfect end to a wonderful year. Dan and I were so excited when they told us they were pregnant because we were hoping our friends would have kids

close in age ! Other friends of ours, Adam and Joy are due in a month and a half, so we are all going to have quite the adventures together I'm sure.

I looked at these pictures and can't believe it… it’s only been 3 months but I already barely remember my girl being that small (or smaller haha). Newborn. Fresh. Tiny. Light. That smell… that cry… everything.

 

 

And then at the same moment I long for my daughter to be 2 years old and enjoy going to the zoo, talking a bit, walking, getting excited for Christmas morning, eating real food, etc ! So I have to cherish each moment, because I won’t get to rewind on her little life.

I was driving home from London on Monday and this song came on and the words brought me to tears…

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger

And it's so quiet in the world tonight

Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming

So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light

To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret

I'd give all I have, honey

If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart

And no one will desert you

Just try to never grow up, never grow up

-          Taylor Swift

It got me thinking about times I’ve been hurt or had a broken heart and I cannot imagine having to watch my daughter feel such pain. And my mind started spiraling. I cannot control those things, just like I cannot control any choice she makes. Then it really hit me. One day my girl is going to become accountable to God for her sin… and I cannot control whether she accepts His gift of salvation through Jesus’ death on the cross, or whether she rejects Him.

I mean I’ve always known it wasn’t a sure thing that my kids would be Christians… but until I really pictured her, my girl, rejecting Christ in her life, I broke down. How will I ever deal with that? How does any parent ever deal with that? With bended knees I’m assuming. Only prayer and faith could keep you going.

Oh sweet girl, mama is praying for you.